Telford expo
Hiccup, reach out
Long time no see! (Again)

Life is still pretty crazy, inbetween working 2 jobs and trying not to go crazy. My days off are few and far in between, but i'm surviving. I shall try to update here a little more often, but i'm pretty bad at it right now >>; I'm mostly over at tumblr (

uhh not much to update. My parents are still getting divorced. Christmas was pretty tense and my mum wasn't there, but we got through it, and hopefully once the divorce actually goes through things'll get better. My dad is pretty lonely and I do worry for him ;a;

The past weekend was Telford mcm expo, and it was pretty good! I haven't been able to make it to the london ones recnetly, so it was my first expo in a year, which was crazy. I really missed the atomsphere ;a; I was really happy with my cosplay, which I slaved over in between working and sleeping. My room looks like a bomb site but it was worth it! I cosplayed as Wendy from the circus arc in kuroshitsuji with a friends friends cosplay group. It was plenty of fun, and all the cosplays were amazing. I did have some troubles- the wig wasn't styled until the night before/ actual day- the bun extension never arrived, so we had to use the wig hair and there wasn't enough, still for what we had to work with, it turned out nice. I'm sure i'll wear her again at some point, so i'll redo the wig even better (when I can actually style wigs.... someone else did it this time while I was modelling it...). We ended up leaving the house pretty late, with last minute wig styling, attaching ribbon, makeup etc, so we didn't get to the expo until past noon. Most of that time was then taken up by masquerade stuff, but we had great fun. Managed to make myself look like an idiot on stage when I popped out of my box too early though (the only time I did it wrong, figures!)

Next conventions and cosplays planned are:

Amaimon (ao no exorcist)
Amaimon hamster kigu
Pirate!Spain (hetalia)
Barnaby (Tiger & Bunny)

May expo:
Freyjador Falenas (Suikoden V)
Miguel (Road to El Dorado)
Mike (Monsters inc gijinka)

Freyjador Falenas (Suikoden V) (Different outfit)
Gauche (Letter Bee)
Dio (Last exile)

October expo:

Allen Walker 3rd uniform (D.grey man)
Cooro (+anima)
And my 3rd slot is currently free because my cosplay partner has LEFT ME (dick)Maybe i'll redo matador spain because I never actually got any photos.... (Must resist urge to remake again)
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A mass of family drama
Hiccup, reach out
Hey LJ. Long time no see, I guess. If you follow me on twitter or facebook, you might have a vague idea of what is happening. But remember that post I made months ago about my mum possibly splitting with my dad and stuff?

Well it's happening.

This will be a long and jumbled story, so sorry if it;s hard to figure out.

It started a few weeks ago, I guess. Mum decided that she was going to meet up with the guy she met online, and was going to do it without dads knowledge because of some advice she was given. And I guess my dad would have taken it the wrong way if he'd known, but it was still something stupid to do in secret.

Anyway, on tuesday I facebooked my sister, asking her to get my mum online, as I had not seen her and needed to speak to her regarding my (now failed) christmas plans which were an attempt to get the family together to go on an outing and see a pantomine. Her reply was that she was no longer speaking to mum, because she and dad were getting a divorce, and upon further probing I found out that mum wasn't home and hadn't been for a few days. Charlotte exaggerates a lot, so I text mum saying that we needed to talk, and spoke to charlotte more, and she told me that she hated this guy, mum wanted to sell the house etc.

Anyway, mum phoned a bit later, by which point I was in tears anyway. I told her I couldn't speak to her on the phone because I was a wreck, so eventually she managed to get online and we spoke. I spilt out everything I felt about the entire thing, all the stress i've gone through etc. And her reply was kinda eh. IDK but she said that the divorce was between her and dad, which she doesn't understand is a complete lie. They have 4 kids, i'm the eldest, and my youngest sister is 7. This is going to affect them a lot. I'm lucky because i've pretty much moved out, but they have to live with this still and yeah. It involves the entire family when she does this. She doesn't understand really, but after a kinda argument, but not really because I hate upsetting anyone and i'm not a mean person (I think?), I went to bed.

Mum phoned the next morning and she was in tears, I was in tears, and I pretty much caved and said that I wanted her to come over and see me when she could. She then asked if I would meet this guy that she is with, that he had been reading our conversation last night and was upset that Charlotte hated him etc, and that he was terrifed that all of us would hate him, and I couldn't say no? I hate thinking I might be the person that makes someone else feel like shit, so I said yeah, and well it happened a lot quicker than I expected, but she said she was coming down that day (wednesday).

Dad also phoned that morning, and he was in tears, absolutely distraught over the entire thing, and I felt completely useless. He phoned again in the afternoon though, and was pretty angry, and told me that he wouldn't give up the house like mum wants, that it would be too much upheaval, and he might possibly want the custody of my sisters also. Which means of course, that the divorce will be messy and long and awful. I don't think I can see either of them coping with the kids alone tbh. I don't think they appreciate what each other does with them. Anyway mum and this guy got here pretty late, and then mum said that work had called and she had to be back the next morning, despite asking for the week off. And I met the guy and it was kinda awkward, but of course he's a pretty nice guy, and like, the complete opposite of dad. And watching him and mum interact with each other was so painful because she seems so happy with him, and she doesn't act like that with dad and yeah. He was also married, but is also leaving his wife, which cranks up the drama even more, and mum said it was going a lot faster than either of them imagined. Far too fast in my opinion. They haven't known each other for long enough, I don't think.

Anyway, at that point mum is cooking some food and the guy is helping, and I decide that to break some of the awkward air, I will get out my hedgehog, as mum is the only one who doesn't know about her. And of course, Mocha decides that this is the prefect time to try hibernating. My nerves were already shaken so by this point I was pretty much in tears. For anyone who doesn't know, hibernating can kill domesticated hedgehogs. I got there and she was curled up in a very spiky ball, and was very cold. Luckily i'd checked on her a few hours before, and she was ok, so it was a recent thing and I was able to get her out of it in time. I pretty much used her as my ice breaker, and had her warming up on my stomach (they need body heat before a hot water bottle) the entire evening. The good thing that came out of this is that I did catch her in time, and the reason that she was so tired and unactive all the time was because she was too cold. Since then she has had 2 microwave heat pads in her cage, and her electric heat pad has just arrived. She has also become a lot more active and has discovered the use of her wheel, and climbed on top of her overhang thing in the cage the other night.


Yesterday morning, mum and the guy left early, and I went skating and to work. At this point my uncle has facebooked me offering someone to talk to (my mums sister) and my grandma emailed me saying that we needed to arrange a time to talk and that she hoped we were ok. This grandma is my mums mum, and not long after she called me.

She hasn't heard from my mum about this at all, just from my dad, who she has been supporting and looking after a little. She doesn't think that the divorce will last, and that it will all blow over, but she hasn't seen mum and the guy and I don't know that it's that simple. She also went on to talk about how she doesn't even want to meet this guy mum is with. And then she also went onto say how worried she was for dad, kindly mentioning the stories you hear in the newspaper about parents who kill their children and then themselves over these things, which was nice :l She then went on to reassure me that she didn't think dad would do that, but now it's in my head and yeah. Anyway, that was my phonecall with grandma, and my uncle also replied saying that they were all angry with mum for what she was doing, but dad seemed ok so far. And I kinda feel bad for mum at this point because yeah. I also got another phonecall from my dad who was back to being upset in the evening.

And then this morning, I sent texts to both my parents saying that I hope they were ok, etc. My dad phoned me back in a right state. Apparently mum had been home and said something along the lines of 'you don't care about the kids' to my dad, which had him in tears, and he kept asking if he was a good dad and stuff. Someone, either mum or grandma, because they are the only ones who knew, told him that I had met this guy, and so I got questions about that, which was awful because I couldn't lie and say he was horrible just to make dad feel better and stuff. And it hurt a lot and it was right before I had to go to work so I pretty much walked there in tears.

I've arranged for some days off not this coming week, but the week after, so I can go home and help out a little. I think we all need that right now. It's just difficult because i'm going to be the one that they rely on in some ways, and it's stressful enough as it is. And when I got back i'd had another misscall from dad, so I phoned him, and he's still very upset, angry with what mum said, and angry because mum has apparently brought the guy into the house at some point. He's also found out, or suspects that she is living with him somewhere right now, in a hotel or something, which was true at some point, but not sure if it is at this moment. And he's torn up and really wants me to come home I think, it's very hard not to jump on a train right away, but I can't get time off work that fast.

And thats it do far, but it's only promising to get worse. Mum might be seeing my grandma on sunday, so i'm not sure what will come of that, but it's all so hard, and I feel like i'm in some horrific drama that people watch on the tv. I don't know how to feel about my parents right now. Obviously I love them very very much, and I honestly don't want to imagine them apart, because what child would? Unless their parents are awful or violent. Mum's suddenly become this person who is only looking out for herself. She's running with this and I guess it's a shot of freedom from life with emily who constantly goes into fits, Charlotte, who is a very difficult and naughty teenager, Laura, who is just young and tries to copy Charlotte, and my dad, who drinks and does not do enough around the house for her. But it's upsetting that she seems to have forgotten that dad is a person too, who get's just as hurt, and still loves her. She's completely disregarding his feelings, and should not have got together with this guy so fast. She's handled everything here wrong. And my dad seems like a complete victim here, and I guess he is really. Mum said she'd discussed divorce with him a lot in the past few months, but I honestly don't think that he believed it would ever happen. And I wish he would have listened to her about not drinking so much. It made all of us unhappy, and it's the reason I am so against alcohol myself I guess. I think that he really needed a hobby or an activity to do away from a pub, and I guess my next task is to try and find him something like that. I don't think that any of us pressed the issue in a way that could make him stop. And yeah. Sisters aren't going to help. I know Charlotte will be very difficult about the entire thing, which might stir the others up too.

Most of all i'm worried about my dad doing something drastic, like killing himself, which sounds stupid, but his side of the family is where we think emilys aspergers came from, and I can honestly see him getting very very depressed. He'd just never admit it because he wouldn't diagnose it or anything. On a lesser level i'm worried about my mum doing the same thing. And i'm just worried about them both being miserable. My dad doesn't really have much. He doesn't have a ton of friends he can turn to, he retired early, and his family is rather distant and not amazingly loving, which will make it even harder to cope.

It's kinda like i'm trying to pull them all together myself and I can't do it. I've cried a lot over the past few days, made myself ill, i'm off my food, and I just wish it was a horrible nightmare that wasn't happening to me.

Sorry this isn't behind a cut. I can't html right now.

I have a dilemma
Hiccup, reach out
As most of you know, my money situation is extremely dire right now, and even if I don't buy food until I am out of debt, it is very unlikely that I will be out of debt for 2-3 months at least with the money I am getting paid at work.

Umm anyway, I got a phone call this morning. My figure skating coach has apparently recommended me for a job at the ice rink. It's just weekend work working at the cafe with hours like 10-4 and I would be working til 9 when there is a hockey match going on. It could really help with my finances if I got this as a second job. And if I need to go into my current work for 10:30 in the evening I'm pretty confident that I could get back in time.

I'm not sure how much my hours at Subway will increase right now, and like I said, I am extremely desperate. I'm just not sure how to go about keeping the two jobs from clashing if I did get this job (I still have to go in for an interview, but the lady I spoke to on the phone now knows that I have another job, for better or for worse)

I have to let her know before september begins anyway, and I have no idea what to do. I want to ask my subway boss if i'm ok not to work in the day on the weekends, but I don't want to sound cheeky or anything either ;a; When I went in last saturday for the lunch slot they probably would have been quicker without me anyway, when it did get busy. I would also like to work at the ice rink, even if it's just in the cafe ;a;

I'm just really desperate for money and have no idea what to do.

ramble ramble
Hiccup, reach out
Looking back on my previous post I was so very optimistic.....

Ummm since then, which has been forever, a lot of things have happened...

I have moved to Cardiff, and it's pretty cool! I like here and hopefully i'll be staying here for a while. We'll see where life takes me I guess...

Since my last post a lot of crappy things have happened in my family, stressful things I have done to myself, and money situations. Despite all my careful saving through uni, I am now in debt and it could possibly take a few months to get back into credit. I've spent most of my time being utterly miserable due to the combined efforts of the above crappy things.

Not all things have been bad however! I went to tokonatsu a few weeks back! Never finished the cosplays that I had planned, but a good time was had none the less, and I made my first kigu (Toothless) and once I'm better I really want to try my hand at kigu commissions or something. They are pretty fun to make! After tokonatsu I went to Paris, and it was beautiful. Slightly worrying because of the money situation, but Paris is kind to students and graduates for the most part. I also went and stood outside Goeblins for a while (a very famous animation school if you were wondering) and pretended I was good enough to go there or something. The riots kinda messed it up a little! In the way that we had to spend the night at the airport so we didn't get caught up in them. 8 hours in an airport is hell. And I actually like airports a lot! Would really like to go back to Paris though!

I also have a job now. I'm working at Subway, and it's not a difficult job. I'm just awful at interaction, but they don't have a lot of hours for me right now, so while I am getting some money, it is nowhere near enough to pay rent or bills and I am stuck fretting over what I can do. It's been giving me a lot of stress, and my mood has been all over the place with a lot of wanting to burst into tears and generally being unenthusiastic about everything. A lot of little things have been getting to me because of it too.

If anyone is interested, I am selling a few things over here: and am taking mug commissions again here: in an attempt to get back into credit. Even just spreading the word would help a lot ;a;

In other news, I am 21 on Friday. In my current situation I am planning to be utterly miserable about it, and hope for gifts of money, which unfortunately never seems to happen because my relatives are somewhat useless like that :l I'm not really expecting a lot! I don't think that my family can afford to come visit me, and I can't afford to go down there and I'll possibly have work anyway. The main good thing is that I will get a pay rise because i'll be 21. It also means that I can do stuff like drink in America, BUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY CONCERN ME EITHER.

And I think that's me done! I have loads more to say, like with fandoms and cosplays and stuff I guess, but this post is getting rambly and stuff

Sparkle sparkle

Except for maybe some editing issues that I would like to fix. I can have a life again and this makes me ridiculously happy, even though it also signals the end of university life and the entrance into the big bad world. And jobs. :(

Me, purapea and Squeak, who I do not have on LJ, have found our home in Cardiff for this coming year at least, and it is pretty cool! We are on a bizarre street that zig zags, but it is about a 10-20 min walk into Cardiff city centre and they will let us have pets and it will be beautiful. My main concern is getting hold of a job now! If I save very carefully i'll be good for a few months, especially because we only have to pay half rent for the summer, but I would quite like that money to go into either my cintiq savings or my Canada savings, because I would really like to go and study at Vancouver film school when I can afford it, and if they'll take me! So yeah, job hunting begins now, I guess.......

I am so happy to catch up on sleep you have no idea. Also, my hand is almost healed, though I should give it a few days before I do much in the way of drawing..... Also, I can play pokemon and suikoden and everyone will probably dread my suikoden obesssion because I plan to finally finish the game and become fully obsessed with it again. Sorry. Only i'm not.

Uhhh other things.... we went to see X-men first class on wednesday and it was beautiful and I enjoyed it very much! :3 I may drag people to see it again on wednesday, because I shall be in cardiff anyway and yeah. And this weekend was spent with shutupred, kayspace and blindeadmcjones and it was lovely to see them all! I also watched Baccano with them and it confused me greatly :3

Other than that, there isn't anything else for me to say. I would like to think that my life will be plenty more interesting now I have completed my film, but uhhhh we'll see....

My degree is over
So uhhh lets have an update on that degree....

I officially finished on Monday, only not really, because my film still isn't finished.

Slept for maybe 15 mins at the most over the weekend, so I was pretty much awake from an ungodly hour on saturday morning til midday Monday and it was not fun. I broke down sometime in the early hours of Monday because there was no way I was finishing this film in time, my keyboard was not working, so I could not write up my 1500 word evaluation, and while I had a lot more stuff to put in my film, I couldn't even get it edited together in time for the deadline. So I was in tears by the time I got to uni to hand in. It was awful and I don't ever want to reapeat it. I think I pretty much stayed in tears for the entirety of Monday morning, which was awful in itself because I hate crying in front of people and I couldn't stop.... :l I never made it to the crit. It was at 2, and my friends made me go home and sleep so I did, which made me feel a little better.

But yeah, I was horribly disappointed in myself yesterday and it was not a good moment ofmy life, because even though everyone says that the grade doesn't matter, it's the finished film that willgetyou hired, it mattered to me and I felt like a failure for what I handed in.

However, we can make this post slightly happier because I woke up to an email this morning. If I can somehow finish by friday my film might be shortlisted, and you have no idea how much this means to me. If it's shortlisted it has the chance to win an award at our grad show, judged by industry professionals, and it will definitely be shown to industry people on the industry night. I kinda just stared in shock and shook for a while. Of course, now I have to somehow finish for Friday, which I don't know if I can do.... I'm going to ask if I can have until monday, on the grounds that I have horrific RSI in my hands... It would mean a lot to me if I got shortlisted though ;a;

Which brings me to the next point of call. I am not going to expo. It was a bad idea from the start, I think, and these past few weeks have been incredibly stressful, and my diet has suffered a lot. I really don't think that going to expo would be wise at this point because I would most likely take out all that stress on people and make people angry, which I also can't dealwith right now. Also, if I can get an extension i'll need to work on my film,which is more important ;a;

So I will miss everyone a lot,but hopefully I can see people soon ;a; maybe at the wales meet that is coming up (everyone should defintiely be coming)

Iam going to finish with a picture of my hands at this point:

Unfortunatley I have to keep going despite this. Have I managed to put people off animation as a career choice yet? I will not be able to draw once this degree is over....

The 'less than a month' panic
Hiccup, reach out
I'm close to finishing detailing the animation now.... which is the only good thing. I might be able to finish it all tomorrow, if not then definitely by thursday. Which means it will be onto linearting and colouring within the space of 2 weeks... I am not looking forward to this at all, but once it's over it's over, right? It's just a mad rush to try and get everything done, and we need the rough cut in on the 10th, and they'll probably shred me to pieces and I am looking forward to this the least.

I still have no time to do anything but work, which is unfortunate because I got into Tiger & Bunny over the weekend and despite it's ridiculous name it's made of win and I have already managed to get another friend hooked :3 The new fandom is the limit to my recreational activities. Apart from sleeping and eating. I have also been listening to a very potter musical/sequel on repeat for the last few days, and it keeps me entertained while I die inside /ALL OF THE DRAMATIC TO SHOW YOU MY SUFFERING

I can't wait until I get onto linearting this.... it'll get old very fast, but at least it will be something new....

/skips off to sleep

Also, I realise that pretty much every entry I post is to moan about uni work, and I do apologise to anyone who sits through it. Just a few more weeks and then everything will be happy (Hopefully)

(no subject)
sad dragon
Today I woke up at 4am and began animating..... this is what my film is doing to me ;a; I can't even enjoy sleep anymore :l I've even dreamed about doing work, it's somewhat ridiculous. I'm getting past the difficult animation and heading into the easy parts now, but I am still way behind where I wanted to be at this point, and it's so stressful I don't even D: I'm looking back at some of the animation and crying.... most of it is still blocked, so there are no eyes or clothes or anything... I really need to push this now, and get the base animation done though.

Once again, if anyone would like to help colour when that's ready.... because I am never going to get this done without help ;a;

I'm also stressed about music... a friend said that she'd get someone on board, but i'veheard nothing yet, and I rarely have the time to chase it up now.... I'm doing somuch drawing a day.... My wrist isin a permanent support now, so I don't fuck it up any more than it is...(There's like, an extra lump of bone, and it makes my wrist very weak and it hurts sometimes)

Despite this, i'm trying to stay optimistic.... if by some chance I get this finished, i'd be the happiest person ever ;a; I can't wait to start drawing for myself again...

I also have no time to make cosplays, so any plans for may are out.... i'll probably just reuse what I have already with a few minor adjustments, but it was a ridiculous thing to do anyway....

And with that I mus say goodbye...

I shall, however, leave you with this:

purapea says hi!

Goodbye dissertation!
So I handed in my dissertation yesterday and I am so happy that part is over! A group of us went to the pub to celebrate, which was rather fun at the time, but I kinda wished I hadn't gone afterwards, because my prouction levels went right down and that stressed me out enough to have another mini breakdown last night. It's gotten to the point where when I am not working on my film, I feel so ridiculously stressed out because i'm not working on it and I need to, that when i'm not working on it I want to burst into tears :l

I'm trying to stay optimistic and ignore everything else right now, which seems to be working, but I still have literally no time for anything else.

Also,my left wrist is currently in a tube-grip thing..... Not sure if anyone knows this but uhhh... I have a really weird left wrist. It kinda sticks out at the end in a big lump and makes my wrist look really bony. I think it might be a carpal boss or something IDEK, but I've had it since forever. It gets painful to bend from time to time and even though I don't use it to type/draw/write with, it began hurting again recently, so I hunted around for my wrist support yesterday and realised that I must have helpfully left it at home :l I had a bandage for cosplay (thankyou spain) that I used, but then a housemate kindly lent me hers, so i've been wearing that.

The weather has been really nice lately! Sucks that I can't enjoy it properly, but it makes the studio slightly more cheerful, I guess...

So what is life?
I am in the animation studios right now, all alone. It seems to be a good time to update LJ....

I've been animating for a few weeks now, and it seems like there is so little to show for it. (Though I have stuck all current animation into my animatic and it is starting to fill up...) And with only 6 weeks left, it's all getting a little frantic. I have become an expert at finding ways to cheat and reuse parts of existing animation etc to make things go along quicker. This film has managed to reduce me to tears more than once, but at this current time I am in a cheerful mood, despite the horror that has been my wednesday so far.... I think it's because everything is so peaceful because no one else is in the studio....

I'm still having difficulties finding colourists, which stresses me out like you would not believe, but I need to type up an email to the lower years to see if they are interested... If I don't get help I am never going to finish my film, so it's pretty urget XD;;

Also, animating makes me ridiculously hungry... :l Which sucks, because I have no time to eat, nor the money to pay for continuos trips to the food store >>;; I am trying to vary my packed lunches, but i'm so exhausted by the end of the day, I barely have any effort to cook tea D:

But the dissertation is handed in tomorrow! Which is such a relief! I have two copies sitting next to me bound, and there was a lot more I could have done, but i'm happy, and i'm sure it's at least a passing grade... I just need to burn copies to disks, and then hand it in tomorrow, and fingers crossed i'll never have to look at the thing again....

So yeah, i'm getting there slowly... and it does seem slow, but I am animating the most difficult scenes first, which I guess is why they are taking so long..... I'm hoping when I hit the easy ones i'll breeze few a decent amount in a day.... I also hate dogs. I've never animated a dog in my entire life, and i'm not sure why i thought it would be such a good idea for my final film, one of the deciding factors of my future career.... Tails are the bane of my life, I swear.... I am also slowly starting to work 13 hour days, possibly more if I come home and do work at home. It is not fun and I do not recommend it.

Other than impossible amounts of work, i'm not doing too badly... I have a few things that keep me from going completely insane, and I guess the large amounts of time working means there is less time spent getting bored staring at the internet.... I'm also slowly re-reading Diana Wynne Jones's books, and lamenting her death :l


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